Speaking of old, the percentage of young workers in Greensboro ages 25 to 44 is only 28.2 percent, well below 33.6 percent in Raleigh and Durham. With no work force, why would you want to bring your companies here in the first place.
According to the Food Research and Action Center Greensboro is #2.The second hungriest city in America that is. Very troubling when you consider that agriculture is still North Carolina's #1 industry.
We're #4 in expensive car repairs: My idea to start a moped factory is looking better all the time. Too bad for Greensboro my partner bought the building in Burlington.
Greensboro is #1 in allergies "According to an annual report from the Asthma and Allergy Foundation of America, Greensboro, NC has won the national crown as the nation’s fall allergy capital! "
Okay, I'm partially at fault, Greensboro is ranked number 4 For Ugliest Men in America "A website called totalbeauty.com ranked Greensboro as one of the top eight ugliest cities for men. Number four to be exact."
Check this out: 5 NC cities make the top 50 most generous cities and Greensboro comes in at #72: What's wrong with that picture?
But hey, we are the 2nd most religious. How can it be that the second most religious city in America couldn't even make the top 50 in terms of generosity? Aren't the angels supposed to be watching over us?
Speaking of angels, Greensboro exports more capital than it imports. You won't find any angel investors here.
This is beginning to look like a really crappy place to live.
William Sydney Porter, aka O. Henry, Greensboro's most famous writer and the man for which several buildings, streets, schools, hotels, businesses and neighborhoods are named was a well known drinker and jail bird in his day. Of course he also coined the term, banana republic. Could it be he was in-face describing he hometown and not Honduras as is generally presumed by readers of Cabbages and Kings?
By the same token, University of North Carolina at Greensboro Professor, Randall Jarrell, aka The Bat Poet, the first African American to ever be appointed United States Poet Laureate has yet to ever have anything in Greensboro named after him. Drink yourself to death, they name half the city after you, get run over by a car and Greensboro doesn't know you.
Speaking of getting run over by a car, while Greensboro's leaders like to make a really big deal about our extensive walking trails, Greensboro isn't ranked at Walk Friendly Communities. That's right, not ranked at all. Not even mentioned.
Greensboro comes in at #40 in Bicycling Magazine's list of Top 50 Bike-Friendly Cities. I can tell you the editors there didn't put much effort into verifying their information. Yes, it's true, "A bicycle education program is taught to all fourth-graders, and some schools host bike rodeos. The mayor is an enthusiastic supporter of all cycling causes." but locally our Mayor is only known to ride on trails and the 4th grade bicycle safety program has been around since the 1950s and kids still ride bicycles on the wrong side of the road. Reality is: local bicyclists often complain Greensboro's streets are unsafe to ride on and street funds get diverted to projects no one wants to talk about.
As a matter of fact: To clear up the whole walking and biking thing, WalkScore.com rated Greensboro at 39 for walking and 40 for biking with the following comments:
"Greensboro has an average Walk Score of 39 with 269,666 residents.
Greensboro does not have many bike lanes.
The most walkable Greensboro ZIP codes are 27402, 27403 and 27408. "
For the most part, those are Greensboro's big money zip codes.
Feel safer in your car? Not so fast, Greensboro is the 7th most dangerous city in North Carolina to drive in.
All that traveling making you hungry? "Gallup reported that the Greensboro-High Point area contains the fourth highest percentage of residents in the country who say they do not have enough money for food" And yet we come in 10th highest in obesity? Looking at that religion/genorocity thing and the hunger/obesity thing it becomes pretty obvious Greensboro might also rank poorly on any scales measuring our ability to share. I wonder if anyone has ever studied that?
Didn't that other study say #2 for hunger? Oh well, two, four, who's counting calories, right?
Greensboro is #61 on the list of best and worst cities for Moms.We got beat by Charlotte, Raleigh and Durham again! And to think, this is a city that sells itself on quality of life issues?
Okay, how about something for Dad? We didn't even get on the list of Best Public Access Golf Courses and this city is covered up in golf courses: Covered up, I tell you.
Still single? Planning on staying that way? Then Greensboro just might be the place for you as Greensboro ranks sixth worst city for singles:
Of course it's hardly a wonder Greensboro's a bad place for singles when Greensboro is ranked the least sexy city in America.
Get out Kids, while you still can. Greensboro is not the place you want to grow old. Trust me, I learned that the hard way.
Gangs are still such a big problem that gangsta rappers are afraid to perform in Greensboro. Six out of 10 robberies go unsolved!
So what list didn't Greensboro make. Greensboro is not among the Top 100 Safest Cities in America nor are we among the Top 100 public schools. Thinking about your property values? Greensboro is not among the Top 100 Highest Appreciating Cities in the U.S. Much of Greensboro is under water.
Forbes ranks Greensboro as one of the fastest growing cities in America. I'd take that with a grain of salt. Last fall Forbes said Greensboro's economy was growing and employment was growing in leaps and bounds. Forbes was wrong about that too. Bad wrong.
Update: According to Economist, Professor Andrew Brod, with whom I almost never agree, the reason for Greensboro's growth is annexation:
"That’s because the growth includes a population bump of almost 10,000 from the 2008 annexation of The Cardinal, an upscale neighborhood near Piedmont Triad International Airport.
For that reason, Greensboro isn’t one of the fastest growing cities, said Andrew Brod, senior research fellow for the Center for Business and Economic Research at UNCG’s Bryan School of Business and Economics.
“As an analyst, I want numbers to make sense for people, or they’re going to start ignoring numbers,” Brod said. “It would be a mistake for civic leaders to think that things are going well.”
Andy hates it when he's forced to agree with me. Return to original post:
When you go to the ABC liquor store in Greensboro, your credit card gets hacked by a scammer. Damn, you can't even drink your troubles away in Greensboro without falling in a hole-- what next?
Sinkholes are common under Greensboro streets. Seems the aging water mains break with surprising regularity, wash all the rock and soil out from under the street then suddenly and without warning as you're driving your car down any major thoroughfare, poof! You're a goner!
Okay, lighten up, we finally made the Dave Barry Blog... for a city council candidate with a felony record...
And our youth? Young Facebook users recently founded a group called Greensboro is Purgatory, with the motto "... if we try we get pulled right back." Well, we are trying to keep our young people from leaving, right?
Last but not least: Greensboro gains international acclaim on racist websites and the Dredge Report for a Downtown riot that Greensboro Mayor Robbie Perkins claimed happened but in reality, never took place.
And if anyone believes a downtown performing arts center is going to turn any of this around you're an even bigger idiot than what I've been calling you for the last 2 years. So with all that said and being that Greensboro really has nothing that would make corporate CEOs and CFOs want to relocate their companies to Greensboro I ask you again, Why are Mayor Robbie Perkins, Roy Carroll, the Greensboro Partnership and the Piedmont Triad Partnership pushing for more shovel ready industrial parks we're never going to need? Why? Because they make money even if we lose.
So here's a better idea: why don't we change the conversation from attracting business to growing business from within, making the best with what little we have, co-ops, locally owned manufacturing, invest in our creative young minds, incentives (not grants or forgivable loans) to locally owned manufacturing (not developers) entertainment districts, solar energy, low cost transportation, commercial scale aquaponics and other means to provide our citizens with what is needed and keep the profits in Greensboro.
That is, if Greensboro's leaders really care about economic development.
When you do, I'll go back to spending all my time writing poetry, fiction and building the first American made mopeds since the 1980s. And maybe, if Greensboro gets its act together we'll open a factory here as well.
Update: Greensboro is again the massage capital of NC. It ain't pretty folks. It's called prostitution, human trafficking and slave labor.
Update 2: The game maker, Cranium, Inc., ranked Greensboro-Winston-Salem-High Point, North Carolina as the 40th most fun city in the US. I don't know about Cranium's games but if they're no better than their geography... Distance from Greensboro to High Point 17.2 Miles. Distance From Greensboro to Winston-Salem 28.8 miles. Seriously folks, if by chance you're not from here and don't already know, you have to drive through the cities of Jamestown and Kernersville to get to High Point and Winston-Salem.
This just gets sadder as we go.
Update 3: Household earnings? At #97 and falling you'll not get Greensboro shoppers to spend much money with your business should you bring it here.
Update 4: Greensboro is #76 on the list of best cities in the US for small businesses. Raleigh came in at #4, Durham at #6 and Charlotte at #11. Of note, the best cities for small businesses are also the best cities for big businesses but if you're already in business you didn't need me to tell you that.
Greensboro is fast becoming the armpit of North Carolina.
Update 5: While a recent News & Record article announces that Greensboro's Cone Hospital system ranks 5th in the state among major hospitals, allow me to remind you there are less than 10 major hospitals in the State of North Carolina.
And according to the same report cited by the News & Record, Winston Salem beats Greensboro hands down once again.
Update 6: Greensboro ranks 100th out of 102 markets in economic vitality. You'll never sell anything here.
Update 7: Greensboro has the unique distinction of being the city that killed the Livable Communities Act causing cities across the nation to suffer.
Update 8: A recent study by the Equality of Opportunity Project ranked Greensboro, North Carolina 95th out of the largest 100 cities in terms of citizens' ability towards upward mobility.
Update 9: Greensboro ranks #3 on the list of hungriest places in America.
Update 10: Greensboro is 4th on the list of America's Emptiest Cities.
Related: More Reasons CEOs Will Want To Avoid Greensboro
Update 11: April 8, 2016 Greensboro: Fat City Winner!
